Some Jokes To Make You Laugh

Contributed By Sandy | Published: Apr 13, 2005

These jokes are meant to be funny, but some of them might offend you. Please be aware these are adult oriented.

A runner asks his wife: "What do you love most about me? My tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?". "What I love most about you" - responded the man's wife - "is your enormous sense of humor".

One man's hobby was running, he spent all his weekends on the park trails, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the park as usual. It was still dark, cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes" she replied "but my idiot husband still went running!"

This man and woman were making love when the woman cried out "Oh my God! I hear my husband coming! You must get out of here fast! Grab your clothes and jump out the window!". The man hurriedly jumped out the window and low and behold fell into some bushes. As luck would have it, it started to rain. He sat there, wondering what he was going to do when a bunch of joggers happened to jog by. The man quickly jumped up and joined the joggers. As he was running along with the rest of the joggers, one asked him "Do you always run in the nude?". The man answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running". Then another runner asked "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?". The man answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home". Then another runner asked "Do you always wear a condom when you run?". "Well" he answered, "only when it's raining".

A blonde goes out for a run. She comes to a river and cannot see a bridge anywhere nearby. She spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo doll!" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?". The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You're already on the other side!"

Running shoes in these days are more and more technologically advanced. I went in this store and they told me this new model of running shoes can even predict the weather! I asked how and the salesperson told me: "Leave your shoes outside the window for a little while: if they are wet it's raining, if they are dry it's sunny, if you cannot see them it's foggy".

I go running in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am doing.

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

I joined a running club last year to lose some weight, spent about $100. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

Two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 75 yards up the trail. The bear spies them and begins running toward them at a full gallop. One hiker drops his backpack, sits down, throws off his boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes. The other hiker says: "What are you doing? You will never outrun that bear!". The first hiker replies: "I don't have to outrun the bear...".

Last year I entered the "New York City marathon". The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?". I replied: "Do you want to know?" and I dropped out.

We work out too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathons. He always talks about this "Runner's high". But he has to go twenty-six miles for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a flight of stairs.

Tags: jokes, fitness, funny