Contributed By Sandy | Published: Apr 20, 2005
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If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, it is too far to walk back.
Michael Johnson, the Olympic gold medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said: "Sorry, mate, you can't come in here - no denim". Michael was quite annoyed at this and retorted: "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson". "Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.
Last year I entered the "New York City marathon". I finished last. It was embarrassing. And the guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?". I replied: "Do you want to know?" and I dropped out.
We work out too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathons. He always talks about this "Runner's high". But he has to go twenty-six miles for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a flight of stairs.
Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: "What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?". And the clerk: "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far".
A school teacher asked a student, "John, will you please conjugate the verb 'to go' for the class?". The kid began, "I go... um... you go... ehmm... he goes...". "How about a little faster?", asks the teacher. And the kid, "Sure! I run, you run, she runs..."
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?". "Excuse me, sir", the jogger said, "do you have the time?". The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?". "8:25!". The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying "I do not know the time!". Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:45!".
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