Some Running Humor


Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: "What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?". And the clerk: "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far".


Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!".

Running shoes in these days are more and more technologically advanced. I went in this store and they told me this new model of running shoes can even predict the weather! I asked how and the salesperson told me: "Leave your shoes outside the window for a little while: if they are wet it's raining, if they are dry it's sunny, if you cannot see them it's foggy".

You know it is time to resume running when...
You try to do a few pushups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.
Your children look through your wedding album and want to know who mom's first husband was.
You get winded just saying the words "ten-kilometer run".
You come to the conclusion that, if God really wanted you to touch your toes each morning, He would have put them somewhere around your knees.
You analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humor.
You step on a talking scale and it says, "Come back when you are alone".

Q. How do crazy runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

Q. What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
A. Slippers.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound

You might be a runner if...

  • hearing the soundtrack to "Rocky" gives you goose bumps.
  • you wear a black, plastic sports watch with your dress clothes.
  • you can remember a time from a race 4 years ago, but you can't remember your friend's birthdays.
  • you are not embarassed to show someone where your hamstring "really" hurts. 
  • you know your resting heart rate, maximum heart rate, and exactly what your heart rate is at all parts of your run. 
  • you wear your running shorts underneath your work clothes so that you can quickly get running after work.
  • you love shoes...running shoes.
  • you won't drive by any running store without a quick look inside. 
  • you know exactly how far a kilometer is. 
  • you have more old dirty shoes piled by the door than a farmer. 
  • you've seen Chariots of Fire at least 5 times. 
  • you read each month's issue of Runner's World cover to cover within 24 hours. 
  • you get excited when you hear that there is a new Gatorade flavor. 
  • you not only know how you did in a race, but you know exactly how every other runner finished. 
  • you spend at least 25% of your income on running stuff.